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Saturday, August 22, 2009

Smudge cells = chronic lymphocytic leukemia

My schedule for the next few days:

Tomorrow (my 26th birthday): Study. McKenzie's at 11am until 5 or 6, then sushi with CJ at Todai, where you eat for free on your birthday. Brilliant.

Monday: Study in the AM, leave at 1pm to drive to Bend for a 5pm interview at a small internal medicine clinic. Drive back to Portland right afterward.

Tuesday: Get up, drive to my dad's in Seattle. Study.

Wednesday: Study.

Thursday: PANCE. Have one drink. Drive back down to Portland.

Friday: Drive to Bend to shadow for a few hours at the peds clinic. Drive back that day.

Saturday: CJ and I are throwing ourselves a going away party (yes, you're invited).

Sunday: Sleep, be hungover, eat, relax.

Next week....???? I HAVE TO get to Seattle for some actual FUN time with my family and friends. I am starving for some Sea-town love.

Yes, I'm nervous. Yes, I wish I had more time to study. No, I won't postpone the test. Why? Because I can do this. I know I can. I am going to channel the little engine that could and just push through.

Nothing else.

Jen

Monday, August 17, 2009

TItle Change

I changed my blog title as "Fifteen Months To Freedom" was no longer applicable...

'Nuff Said...

Friday, August 7, 2009

Another New Chapter (another picture essay)

I have really enjoyed the last few chapters of my life:

College chapter: I probably had more fun at college than you're supposed to. I got to live with my best friend, learn about stuff I was actually interested in, try all sorts of new things, and of course, party, party, party. I was adventurous and carefree, and it was wonderful. Of course there were some growing pains, heartbreaks and other life lessons, but they paled in comparison to the fun I had. Truly, the best years of my life.

Post-College chapter: I left my carefree world, and entered the real world....harshly. I got a crappy job with crappy pay, and lived in some VERY crappy apartments, but I was also starting my life with CJ, and that softened my world. I learned that landlords can be terrible people, rent is not always based on the actual value of the property, and that life is very, very expensive. Especially when you live in Seattle. I also learned, however, that CJ and I made a great team, and that I had some wonderful friends who were always quick to invite me to sushi or happy hour, just so we could gossip and forget our woes for an hour or two.

PA School chapter: It was what I'd been waiting for, finally, I'd been accepted. I was ready to learn my craft. I was so hungry for knowledge, and PA school did not disappoint. There were dead bodies to poke at, midnight study sessions and days I was so mentally exhausted that I had to take a nap on the exam table in the breakout rooms, (so what if I missed another boring Schnabel lecture?!?) The greatest part was the camaraderie...we were all in this boat together, and we were determined to get through it together. We were competitive, but mostly with ourselves, not each other. Study guides were emailed to everyone, spontaneous tutoring sessions arose out of nowhere and when it came time to leave on rotations, we supported each other in every way possible.

Which brings me to part 2 of PA school: I was so scared. SOOOO scared. The nauseous on a daily basis, grinding my teeth at night, kind of scared. I faced challenge after challenge, and spent so many weeks away from anyone I knew. There were some miserable days, crocodile tears and wistful phone calls home, but there were also victories and crazy fun times that were unexpected, and those are what I really remember. I have to thank Curtis for his "call a PA student day" phone calls...I remember feeling so alone in Havre, Montana, getting one of those phone calls, and feeling so much closer to home. And every PPS, it was like nothing had changed, except I couldn't believe how smart all of my classmates had gotten, and I hoped I was keeping up. Suddenly, I realize that our next August trip to the Forest Grove campus will be our last...and this time we are getting our real white coats. Even as I type it, I don't believe it.


The NEXT chapter.
I don't know what else to call it...the Bend chapter? The career chapter? The getting-married chapter? All I know is, I have a wedding date set for 11 months from now, two interviews for physician assistant jobs, and tonight, CJ and I are leaving to Bend to find our next home. It's overwhelming. It's fantastic. I had visualized myself going to PA school since I was 17...but I had never quite gotten around to picturing what would happen after. Now, the future is opening up to me, and things are uncertain, and new, and it is again an adventure. It could all go horribly wrong, but it never has before, so I have to imagine that it is all going to be perfectly right. I've worked hard to get here. I've finished my schooling completely. I'm primed to reap the fruits of my labor. Of course I'd feel better if I had a job offer nailed down, but compared to how I felt last week, I'm just thrilled an employer called me back, nonetheless to have two interviews.

I think of how far I've come, and the only thing I can really think of is how many people helped me get here. My family, foremost. CJ. My best friends in Seattle, and my new best friends here in Oregon. My professors, preceptors, their nurses and support staff, and a few other random people who have helped me along the way, like the nice guy who towed me out of a snow bank when I spun my car going over Blewitt pass at night, the cop in Montana who didn't give me a ticket for speeding because she liked PAs so much, (even the cop in South Dakota who gave me a ticket anyway, but was nice about it). Then there are the people I've lived with: Michelle in Oakridge, Oregon, who not only let me rent a room from her, but gossiped and drank vodka tonics with me nightly, and invited me to Bunko with her friends. Sarah, the MD student who ended up stuck in Havre, Montana with me, and let me drag her around town for some company.
Amanda and Sabrina, who not only let me share their house for 4 months in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, but taught me to drive in the snow, let me join their social circle, and became two of the best friends I've ever known. Melody in Brewster, Washington, who let me rent a room from her without knowing who the hell I was, and made me a cup of tea the first night I got there because she knew I'd had a rough drive.
The Gerberdings in South Dakota who were more hospitable than any family ever has been, gave me my first taste of pheasant and venison, and let me tag along to the kids' recitals and practices as if I were another member of the family. And finally, Tonya, Janell Gerberding's zestful medical assistant, who took it upon herself to make sure I had a good time in South Dakota, and succeeded!

I have been blessed. Perhaps this next chapter should be about giving some of that goodness back to the world.

Bring it on.