It has to be perfect...or it's coming out.

My new preceptor has a private surgery practice, and has privileges at multiple hospitals near his practice that he actually performs the procedures at. All of these offices and hospitals are at least a 45-60 minute commute for me. So yesterday, when the first colonoscopy of the day was at 7am, I had to leave the house at 6am. 2 colonoscopies, 1 inguinal hernia repair, 2 outpatient appointments and an urgent laparoscopic cholecystectomy (gallbladder removal) later, I finally got home at 11:30pm. Just over 5 hours of sleep and one hour of driving later I was back again for more colonoscopies this morning at 7:30am.

Note to self: don't go into surgery.

Being a surgical student sucks super bad. Pretty much you just get your hand slapped or yelled at all day for doing things wrong that you never knew how to do right. "No, hold it THIS way," "That's not even close to being right," "DON'T DO THAT!" These are all actual phrases I heard yesterday. Last night, I was spacing out a little while holding some instruments in place for my doc yesterday during the lap chole (hey, it was like my 15th hour of work!), and I was thinking about how the entire 3 days had gone by without a single bit of praise or encouragement. Now, it's not like I was about to cry about it - a lot of my other classmates have experienced the same thing in surgery, but I still felt kind of hopeless. Then, as we are nearing the end of the surgery, the surgical nurse asks my doc if he would like two sets of suture and instruments, so that I could close some of the incisions. He thought about it for a second and then said yes. He showed me how he likes to do a running subcuticular stitch and then told me to try it on one of the small incisions in our patient's belly, but not before saying, "I'll tell you now, if it isn't perfect, I'm taking it out and redoing it. It can't just be good, it has to be perfect."Well thanks, doc. Now my hands are shaking, but yes, I'll be perfect. Maybe just to piss him off, or because I was so mad, I did the best damn subcuticular stitches I'd ever done (especially considering I'd only done it once before). He took a look at the first incision I closed (only about 2cm long) and tugged on it a bit...then got a surprised look and told me, "good, now do the other incision." So, I closed the second 2cm incision. "Good...these are good...now you have no excuse to ever do it poorly." (As shoddy as this compliment was, it lit up my world). PS - the woman's gallstone was the biggest I may ever see. We actually had to widen the hole in her belly to get it out - the stone was about the size of a robin's egg. Way cool.

(This is a running subcuticular stitch...)
Thankfully, after all of yesterday's excitement, today ran short - the doc's last two procedures were at a Legacy hospital, which apparently will not allow any students priviliges unless they are specifically Legacy students. So, at lunchtime today I wandered to my car, drove home in a daze and flopped into bed...but not before I made my way down to the local farm and ranch store to get some cowboy boots.

Yes, cowboy boots. I had my second horsemanship lesson today and I needed some authentic footwear. I spent way too much money, but they are great boots - soft and comfortable, and when I got to my lesson, the girl teaching me recognized them and told me they were the kind she liked to wear too. Horsemanship is great. It is not surgery - but it is actually pretty hard. The most difficult part is learning all the tack (bridles, saddle, etc). There are so many different ropes and ties and knots to know...it makes the riding part seem way easy. I really love that it uses a different part of my brain and body than medicine and academics. Instead of having to be precise and "right," I instead have to use non-verbal communication and body language with the horse. I have to assert myself, but in a way that they understand. My instructor is pretty hardcore...it isn't about just having fun, but she gives positive feedback, so I'm hooked.


And now the fun part...pictures:

This is Romeo...the horse I'm learning on (a picture from the website, obviously I'm not riding on the beach):

My new boots! No...I will not wear them with shorts, a flannel shirt and a Fedora like Britney Spears.

Mary had to get into the picture!


Until next time.........
Jen